Despite all the trouble I get from Goon, he does have his uses. For a start he wrote the anti-spam device for the comments box. Also, I think that spending time in his company is very good practice for when (if) I decide to have children of my own.

Goon has been working a lot recently. Sometimes he only comes back at 10pm, by which time I’ve cooked dinner so he doesn’t get to help much. He’s been saying that he misses helping me cook. I don’t understand why!  I generally reserve the tedious sous-chef jobs for him. But, since he managed a day off this week, I designed something that would be fun for him to cook and eat.

For a start, the dish would have to be one pot since Goon doesn’t like washing up. Secondly, it would have to involve something high fat, preferably cheese. Thirdly the vegetables would have to be hidden since Goon sometimes tries to avoid undisguised veg.

Fajitas immediately sprung to mind. I had a pack of Brindisa chorizo picante in my fridge that was crying out to be used in this. I decided to stew it with pinto beans, sweet potato and pancetta as well as the obligatory peppers, tomatoes and onions.

After deciding my plan of action and getting hold of the ingredients I didn’t already have, I went to fetch Goon and immediately started to wish I’d hidden my food more securely. Goon had somehow found my duck paté and was munching it straight from the pack.

With a bit of effort I wrestled the paté off him and gave him a choice of jobs. He chose to peel and  dice a sweet potato while I dealt with the herbs and onion for the fajita filling. As I was peeling the onion, I felt something wet cold and slimy hit me on the back of my neck.With trepidation, I turned around. Another wet and slimy object hit me in the face.

These projectiles were in fact sweet potato peel. Goon was playing a game that involved him flicking them across the kitchen and trying to hit the opposite wall. He would have been quite successful had I not been in the way!  

After that, Goon started to behave himself. All the jobs from then on were just sautéeing, stirring and tasting so he managed it mostly by himself. The only distraction happened when Goon got in an argument with his flatmate about the virtues of microwaving Tesco Value sausages.

NON COOKING FLATMATE:Of course I can microwave them.
GOON: No! They burn on the inside!
FLATMATE: What do you mean ‘burn on the inside’?
GOON: The insides go black and the outside stays raw.  It’s happened to me before!

The flatmate didn’t seem to believe Goon’s warning and, to be honest, neither did I. Goon grumbled and went back to cooking.This dish really is Goon-proof food. After a bit of initial sauteéing of vegetables it’s a case of throwing things into a pan, simmering and then adjusting seasoning.

Just sautée 1 medium finely diced onion with 2 minced garlic cloves,  3 chopped birds eye chillis and half a tablespoon of oregano, cayenne and paprika until the onion is soft. Then throw in a peeled, diced sweet potato and a chopped red pepper and sautee for a couple of minutes.  Then take 6 links of chopped fresh chorizo picante, 100g of pancetta and add that to the mix. When it is cooked, throw in a drained can of pinto beans, a can of chopped tomatoes, another half tablespoon each of the spices and enough beef stock to let it simmer for thirty minutes or so to give the flavours a little time to develop. When you think it is looking nearly ready (the mxture should be fairly thick), add tabasco to taste and then adjust seasoning for the other spices, salt and pepper. You may want to add tomato puree for extra tomato flavour .

At the end just stir through a couple of handfuls of chopped coriander leaf.

This made  A LOT. Enough for 4 people, which was great because, like all stews, it tasted even better the next day and provided Goon with a substantial lunch.

We had the stew in tortilla flatbreads with sour cream, grated cheddar and mixed leaves.

Try as I might, I couldn’t get Goon to eat the salad. Instead he replaced it with cream.

Would you like some meat with your sour cream, Goon?

As we finishe dinner, I heard the front door open. A second later there was an eruption of frantic screaming and swearing in the corridor. What the hell was going on? I opened the lounge door and in came a great plume of smoke. 

Goon mumbled something and ran towards the kitchen. I followed, panicking that I’d left the hobs on.

But no. Instead it turns out Goon had tried a little experiment to prove to the no-cook flatmate  that sausages really do burn on the inside when you microwave them. Goon had put two sausages in the microwave on full power for twenty minutes.

You know what? They DID burn on the inside. AND the outside. In fact, it’s a bloody miracle the kitchen wasn’t on fire. Goon binned the two sausage shaped pieces of charcoal and then ran to hide in his room. Everyone else started opening windows. The whole flat still stinks of smoke.

So the moral of the story is, if you have a small child, or a Goon, cooking with them can be fun. Just don’t  leave them unattended with a pack of sausages and a microwave.

Well, something like that anyway.